Epic Mediterranean

Written By Dashiell Renaud

⏳ 5 weeks
🚸 Best without kids; great for kids 14+; workable with younger kids
✍ Summer 2023
🌍 Holland, Spain, France, Italy, Malta, Greece, and Turkey

Itinerary

Day 1 - Le Port d’Amsterdam

  • 🛬 Land in Amsterdam.

    • Schiphol is likely one of the most cost effective ways to get to continental Europe with minimal layovers.

    • Alternatively you will want to fly in to Brussels, Paris, or Frankfurt and take the train, or axe this leg of the journey altogether and begin the itinerary in Barcelona, Marseille, or Genoa.

  • Stay at an Airbnb in/near the Jordaan

  • Kill time (adjust for arrival time)

    • Eat some vlaamse frites, 📅 pancakes, or Indonesian

    • Join a 🤥 walking tour or 🔞 pub crawl

    • Taste cheese, chocolate, or beer, or go on a 🤥 walking food tour

    • 🔞 Experience Heineken or one of the coffee shops or smart shops

    • Go see live comedy or live music

    • 🔞 Go to a night club or a 🤥 sex show

    • Stroll the canals or 🔞 red light district

Day 2 - Gals Love Canals

  • 📅 Eat pancakes at the Pancake House Upstairs

  • 🚸 Tour the Amsterdam Dungeon (1.5 hr)

    • Perfect for kids ages 8-12, otherwise probably a pass. Can also be done in the evening.

  • Visit the Van Gogh Museum (2-3 hrs)

  • Gather picnic fare

  • 📅 Rent a motor boat (4 hrs)

    • Not cheap, but one of the coolest and most cost-effective things you can do on a European vacation.

    • Three hours is enough, but four is recommended. Even four hours will not be enough time to explore every stretch of the central canals.

    • I love Mokumboot, but they are not the only game in town. Optimal pickup/drop off is probably Centrum, but the Amstel location is also excellent.

  • 📅 Eat pizza at 🤥 NNea or Indonesian at Jun

  • Attend a comedy show

Day 3 - Gotta Like Rijks

  • 📅 Eat at Bali Brunch

    • get the pulled rendang plate and the fried chicken sate sauce

  • Stroll Vondelpark

  • Visit the Rijksmuseum (2-4 hrs) 🎧

  • 📅 Dinner at Watergang

    • surprise tasting menu, great value, wine pairing recommended

  • Performance, tour, live music, 🔞 bars & clubs, or more comedy

Day 4 - Escape From Holland

Day 5 - Barca Classica

Day 6 - Barcelonger

  • Tour the Barcelona History Museum (MUHBA) (3 hrs) 🎧

  • Early lunch at the Boqueria Market

    • Be sure to sample a flight of Jamon Iberico de Bellota if you haven’t already.

  • Tour El Born (1 hr) and/or the Picasso Museum (2 hrs)

  • 📅 (If possible) Attend a Barcelona game

  • (Otherwise) Visit Barceloneta Beach (2-3 hrs)

    • If you’re hungry at the beach, stop by La Fabrica for empanadas.

  • Grab a gelato at Gocce di Latte

  • Enjoy a beer and some snacks at Vasa d’Oro or queue to get into Paradiso

    • 🚨 Paradiso is more form than function, but it is chic and I can appreciate the appeal of visiting one of the trendiest bars in the world, even if it isn’t life-changing. Not worth sacrificing other plans to wait to get into though.

  • Tour the Museum of the History of Catalonia (2-3 hrs) 🎧

  • 📅 Dinner at 🤥 El Set or Bo de b

Day 7 - Best of Barcelona

Day 8 - Final Barcelona

Day 9 - Booyah Bay

  • Breakfast on some fresh pastries or baguettes.

  • Tour the MUCEM and Fort St Jean (2-3 hrs)

  • Grab a sandwich at 🤥 Santa Gusto or eat bouillabaisse (but avoid the restaurants on the port)

  • 📅 Pick up a rental car or take a tour to the Calanques

    • 🚗 A passport is needed to pick up a rental car in Europe, and returning the car in the same country is much cheaper than returning it across the border.

    • 📅 Kayak is an excellent way to tour the Calanques from Cassis, weather permitting

    • Hiking the Calanques can be done on your own or as part of a tour; budget plenty of time and bring sunscreen and water.

  • (Alternatively) Spend the midday-afternoon at Cassis Beach

  • Enjoy a few glasses of wine at La Maison de Jo et Gaby

  • 📅 Dinner at La Presqu'île

  • If driving, stay at an Airbnb in Hyeres. Otherwise stay in Cassis.

Note Regarding Hyeres - Hyeres and its castle are lovely and historic, but not particularly singular compared to the other destinations on this itinerary. It’s a classic Provencial town conveniently set between Cassis and Antibes, is very cute, has excellent weather, great beaches, and is cheaper and infinitely less touristy than most of the similarly-qualified alternatives, so you may want to spend a night and/or half-day in Hyeres as this itinerary proposes, particularly if traveling by car.

Here are some Hyeres alternatives to consider:

  • 📅 🤥 Go white water rafting in the Verdon Gorge

  • Visit Arles, Avignon, and Châteauneuf-du-Pape, then fly/drive/train to Genoa

  • 🛬 Skip France entirely. Fly directly from Barcelona, Amsterdam, or your port of origin to Genoa

  • 🛬 Fly directly from Barcelona, Amsterdam, or your port of origin to Milan before Genoa

  • Visit 🤥 Aix-en-Provence, 🤥 Porquerolles (doubling down on Hyeres), or 🤥 Frejus

  • Visit Sait Tropez and/or Cannes.

Day 10 - Hyeres to Antibes

Day 11 - Antibes to Nice

  • Visit the 🤥 Picasso museum, 🤥 Cap d’Antibes, or 🤥 Juan Les Pins

  • Grab a pain bagnant at Boulangerie Béaud

  • Drive to Nice, stopping at any open wineries that look good along the way.

  • Visit Villa Ephrussi de Rothschild (3 hrs) 🎧

    • Driving is recommended; tour would be inconvenient; cab may be a good option.

  • Visit Eze (1-2 hrs)

    • Sending a human to physically secure parking may be necessary during peak tourist season

    • There are a couple of 🤥 garden restaurants within upper Eze that look passable

    • An hour taking photos (or bring an easel if that’s your thing) is a satisfying way to see the place

  • Stay at an Airbnb in or near Carabacel

  • Drink wine in Nice at La pêche à la vigne or La Part des Anges

    • You can also visit the Matisse Museum. I wasn’t a fan, but it has Roman ruins (1-2 hrs)

  • 📅 Eat at 🤥 Restaurant JAN

Day 12 - Enough of France

  • Grab some baguette, pastries, coffee, and/or cheese and picnic fare

  • 📅 Visit all of the good-looking wineries around Nice

  • Drop off the rental car

  • Grab a pain bagnant for lunch at Lou Balico

  • Walk up to see the Colline du Château

    • Old town Nice is a tourist trap, be highly skeptical about food in Nice

  • (Alternatively) Take the train to Monaco and visit the Oceanographic Museum

    • If you want to visit Monaco, a round trip to Monaco by train may be easier and more economical than stopping in Monaco on your way to Genoa, as Monaco has nowhere for you to leave your luggage

  • 📅 🤥 Dinner at Maison F, Le Sejour, Le Vingt4

Day 13 - Time For Italia

Day 14 - Cinque Terre

  • Tour the Strada Nuova Museums 🎧

  • Take the train to Recco and eat focaccia col formaggio at Da O Vittorio ($)

  • Continue by train to La Spezia

  • Stay in an Airbnb in La Spezia near the train station

  • Take the train to Manarola and go swimming

  • Train back to Riomaggiore before La Spezia to see the sunset

  • Dine at L'Osteria della Corte ($$$) or 🤥 Pizzeria Masaniello ($)

    • Eat all the pastas and explore the wine menu

Day 15 - Liguria to Tuscany

  • (If you haven’t already or want to again) Take the train to Cinque Terre and swim

  • 🤥 Take the train to Pisa and get the classic leaning tower photo. Alternatively:

    • 🤥 Drive or tour up to Parma and Modena, spending the night in Bologna

    • Take public transportation or drive to Lucca

    • 🤥 If you have a car or can arrange a tour, you can also stop by Vinci on your way into Florence

  • Continue on to Florence

  • Stay at an Airbnb anywhere between Boboli Gardens and Firenze train station

  • Wine at Le Volpi e l'Uva ($)

  • 📅 🤥 Dine at La Buchetta ($$)

Day 16 - That Crazy Day In Florence

  • 📅 8:30 a.m. - Tour The Uffizi Gallery (3.5 hrs) 🎧

    • Pre-research the works and take your time, there’s an easy-to-miss Bruegel.

  • Lunch at All’Antico Vinaio ($)

    • Get the Numero 1 and the Tartufo 2

    • The lines are massive but there are four adjoined locations so it moves very fast.

  • 📅 1:30 p.m. - Tour The Accademia (2 hrs) 🎧

    • It does not take very long to see the Accademia in its entirety, but your actual entry will likely be 10-40 minutes later than your scheduled visit time, so you can plan to finish your sandwiches in line or send someone to grab gelato nearby if you saved room.

  • 📅 4:30 p.m. - Tour the top of the Duomo (2 hrs)

    • Take your time to admire the frescoes.

  • Wine flight(s) at Enoteca Alessi

  • 📅 9:00 p.m. - Dine at Ristorante Santa Elisabetta ($$$$)

    • The Summer 2023 seven-course (seafood forward) menu with wine pairing is the best meal I’ve ever had.

Day 17 - The Other Day In Florence

Do as many of these activities as you have interest and energy for. Taking an extra day in Florence to do this full list and/or a 🤥 day trip to Montepulciano is probably not a bad idea.

  • Tour the Palazzo Vecchio

  • Tour the Ricardi Medici Palace

  • Tour the Leonardo da Vinci Interactive Museum

  • 🤥 Tour the Museo Galileo

  • 🤥 Tour Palazzo Pitti & Boboli Gardens

  • 🤥 Tour the Museo de' Medici

  • 🤥 Hike up to Piazzale Michelangelo for the sunset

  • 🤥 Tour the Opera del Duomo Museum

  • 🤥 Tour the Palazzo Pucci

Day 18 - Andiamo a Roma

  • Get a last breakfast of sandwiches or Tuscan snacks

  • Take the train to Rome

    • A non-bullet train will be much cheaper, but risks being so crowded that you miss a targeted departure.

    • 🚨 Make sure you punch your ticket before getting on the train! Even if you buy a ticket for a specific time. If your ticket is not punched, you will get a 60 euro fine.

  • Stay at an Airbnb in Campo de Fiori

    • It’s mostly downhill from Termini to Campo, but that is still quite a long walk with luggage.

  • Visit Welcome To Rome (1 hr)

  • (If possible) Attend the feeding of the cats at Torre di Largo Argentina

  • Stroll the Corso and/or Trastevere

  • 📅 Dine at Seu Pizza Illuminati ($)

    • Get a mix of unconventional pies to share. Tomato-forward offerings are best.

Day 19 - Flavian Amphitheatre

Day 20 - Hadrian’s Villa

  • Get some arancini or suppli

  • 📅 Take a tour (or rent a car) to Hadrian’s Villa

  • AND/OR do any of the following:

    • 🤥 Attend a Roma or Lazio game

    • 🤥 Bike the Appian Way

    • Tour EUR and/or Mussolini’s fascist monuments in Rome

    • Tour the Palatine Hill & the Circus Maximus

    • Tour the Baths of Caracalla

  • 📅 🤥 Dine at 10 Diego Vitagliano ($) or 180g ($)

Day 21 - Buco / Borghese

  • Grab a cafe cremoso

  • 📅 Tour Villa Borghese (3-4 hrs)

  • Descend the Spanish Steps

  • Lunch at Piccolo Buco ($)

    • Order the Yellow Spice Salami

    • Arrive just before they open for lunch for best odds at avoiding a line entirely

    • If there is a line, take turns waiting in line and souvenir shopping

  • Throw a coin in the Trevi Fountain

  • Go on a walking tour, food tour, see a live performance

  • Get cheese and salami from AgriRomana

  • Hang out at Piazza Navona

  • Go on a pub crawl or go to a bar

    • Ruma Bottega & Cucina Agricola $ is another excellent wine bar with in-house cheeses and gelato.

    • Scholars Lounge Irish Pub is popular with ex-pats

    • If shisha appeals, it’d be hard to find a cooler looking hookah bar than Sciam

  • 📅 🤥 Dine at Bistrot64 ($$), Felice a Testaccio ($$), Enoteca La Torre ($$$$), Per Me Giulio Terrinoni ($$$), or Glass Hostaria ($$$)

Day 22 - Vatican

  • 📅 Get an early morning entry to the Vatican (5 hrs)

    • This may require getting the ‘breakfast entry’. The breakfast is garbage but if this ticket is necessary in order to secure an entry time (better yet an early entry time) then it is well worth it.

    • Unless you are planning your trip more than three months in advance, getting tickets to the Vatican is hard. You do not want to join the hours-long line of tourists standing in the sun waiting for tickets day-of.

    • Getting tickets to join a group in a language you do not speak can be a great way to get in on a day that is otherwise sold out.

  • Lunch at Be.Re. + Trapizzino

    • Get the Chicken Cacciatore and Doppio Panna e Alici. Excellent sour beer menu.

  • Gelato at Old Bridge

  • Tour St Peter’s Basilica

    • The really long line after the security check is only for the tower (cool but skippable)

  • Tour any sites or museums that you missed that look interesting or just stroll Rome

  • Wine at Vinaietto

  • Dine at Roscioli Salumeria con Cucina

Day 23 - To Ischia

  • Grab breakfast or something to eat on the train (or eat what you got at AgriRomana)

  • Train to Naples (slow train should be fine)

  • 📅 🤥 Eat lunch at Diego Vitagliano Bagnoli

  • 📅 Ferry from Pozzuoli to Ischia

    • Ferry directly to Casamicciola or Forio if you’re staying on that part of the island.

  • Stay at an Airbnb close to Ischia Port

    • This is the most bustling part of the island. What it lacks in food and ambiance, it makes up for in convenience.

  • 🤥 Drink and dine at Bagno Tre Stelle ($)

  • Go for a late night swim

Day 24 - Poseidon

  • Tour the Mortella Gardens (2 hrs)

  • Spend the day at Poseidon (4-6 hrs)

  • 📅 Wine tasting at D’Ambra

    • Cab from Poseidon to D’Ambra, but then it’s a short walk from D’Ambra to Pietratorcia.

  • 📅 Dine at Pietratorcia ($)

    • Order the canele genovese and the pappardelle al coniglio.

Day 25 - Castello

Day 26 - Negombo

Day 27 - Pompei

Day 28 - Caserta

Day 29 - Greater Naples

  • Fill your final day in Italy with any of the following:

    • 🤥 Take a tour to Amalfi

      • If you want to visit Amalfi, considering spending the night in Pompei after touring it and touring Amalfi the day after

    • 🤥 Visit Herculaneum

    • 🤥 Visit the Naples Catacombs

    • Eat, drink, and museum-tour Naples

Day 30 - Malta

Day 31 - Megaliths

  • Tour Hagar Qim and Mnajdra (2 hrs)

  • Tour Tarxien Temples (1 hr)

  • Tour Hypogeum (1 hr)

    • This is short and not cheap, but it is worth a trip to Malta just to visit the Hypogeum.

    • I recommend booking this without researching what it is. The mystery will heighten the wonder.

  • 🤥 Lunch at Yana’s

  • Explore or take a walking tour of Mdina

  • (If Possible) Dine at Markus Divinus

Day 32 - More Malta

  • Scuba dive with Malta Blue Diving

  • Otherwise spend this day doing any of the following:

    • 🤥 🚸 Visit Popeye Village

    • 🤥 Go on a fishing excursion

    • 🤥 Ferry to Gozo and visit its megalithic ruins

    • 🤥 Spend the day at the beach and partake in St. Julian’s nightlife

  • If you don’t dive and the alternatives don’t sound appealing, axe this day from the itinerary

Day 33 - Blue Lagoon

  • Get some pastizzi from Jeff’s and/or some sandwiches

  • Bus to Cirkewwa

  • Ferry to Blue Lagoon

    • Bring shade, water, hat, glasses, and sunscreen. And go early in the day.

    • There are vendors who sell food, drink, and parasols if need be.

  • Continue on to Gozo, go tour Mdina, or visit some vineyards

Day 34 - To Greece

  • 🛬 Fly to Athens

  • Stay at an Airbnb anywhere between the Acropolis and Omonia metro station

  • Take the Funicular

Day 35 - Athens

Day 36 - Istanbul

Day 37 - Topkapi

Planning

  1. Alterations: This itinerary is very long, and likely includes things that you are not intensely interested in and skips things that you are. Please adjust it to suit your needs. Specifically, you could axe France (particularly if you don’t speak French), Greece, and Malta, and replace them with Milan, 🤥 Emilia-Romagna, Budapest, Vienna, Venice, Dubrovnik, 🤥 Sardinia, and/or 🤥 Sicily, and potentially have an even better time than you would by sticking to this itinerary strictly.

  2. Budget:

    • The most affordable destinations on this itinerary are Greece and Malta.

    • The most expensive are Holland and France.

    • The pizzerias and sandwich shops are all of exceptional value.

    • Where reservations are advised, meals are generally pricier, but I can assure you that all of the most expensive restaurants (with the exceptions of Jan and Disfrutar) are worthwhile if you’re fortunate enough to find reservations and budget for them.

    • Great places to save money:

      • google.com/flights (fly economy and budget airlines)

      • take slow trains (bring wine and snacks, enjoy the ride)

      • stay at cheap airbnbs and hostels

        • you only need somewhere to sleep and store luggage, occasionally laundry

      • return rental cars quickly and within the country where they were picked up

      • compare ride share options; find a cab driver you trust and take down their number (Ischia)

      • don’t hire tour guides, go clubbing, shop, or patronize tourist traps

      • don’t tip (seriously, it’s Europe, they won’t care)

  3. Reservations:

    Reservations are strongly recommended for all activities and restaurants indicated by 📅, but reservations months in advance are indispensable for the following:

    1. Santa Elisabetta, Disfrutar, Vatican Museum, Sansevero Chapel, Hypogeum, Armando al Pantheon, Colosseum, Duomo.

    2. Reservations for wine tastings at vineyards strongly recommended.

    3. Hours of operation should be checked for anything not specifically reserved.

  4. Preparation:

    1. Listen to History on Fire’s Caravaggio biography

    2. Listen to Hardcore History’s Death Throes of The Republic

    3. Watch Stanley Tucci’s Finding Italy

    4. Listen to Listen to Hardcore History’s Punic Nightmares

    5. Listen to The Rhine

    6. Listen to Mike Duncan’s History of Rome

    7. Read Memoirs of Hadrian

    8. Watch HBO’s Rome

    9. Read The Marble Faun

  5. Packing:

    • This trip would not be possible without GoldBond. If you’ve ever been susceptible to chafed thighs, their friction defense stick, or a substitute, is a must.

    • Don’t forget an adapter plug.

Dashiell Renaud
Previous

Il Caravaggio
Next

Shinobi, Uni, Onsen